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When your wife is chronically ill it can be hard for her to think “romance.” She may be in a great deal of physical pain or also suffer from side effects of the illness or medications, such as weight gain or loss, a “puffy prednisone,” or even feeling sick to her stomach. She may also be dealing with the loss of her career and dealing with grief.

Know that her lack of interest likely has nothing to do with your, but rather is just the result of being one of the 133 million people who deal with an illness. Sadly, seventy-five percent of marriages end in divorce when an illness is present.

So! Can you get the spark back? Yes! Here are some creative romantic gift ideas and ways to say, “I love you.”

Chocolate. Yes, it really can be that simple. But buy her some sugar-free chocolate that she can splurge on without the guilt. It’s amazing how good it tastes! Chocolate has a chemical called phenyl ethylamine that actually produces the feeling of “being in love.” Check out your local Wal-Mart or Target for their Russell Stover’s chocolates that come in bags. Coconut, caramels, and pecans hmmmm you get the idea.

Women with a chronic illness are the same as most women. They want their man to hold their hand. Give affection generously, but also carefully to not cause more pain. Rub her back, call her a pet name you haven’t used in five years, and don’t pressure her for more. Cuddle, snuggle, and cuddle some more like you will never let her go.

Talk to her about how much you admire her and how she copes with the daily-ness of living with a chronic illness. Remind her that you’re never going anywhere and you feel blessed to be married to someone who shows so much strength in character when her body is weak.

Give her an indulgence of something she wouldn’t buy herself, especially something to lighten up her mood on days when she isn’t feeling well. Get her the DVD her favorite movie from high school, or a cozy new down comforter for her bed.

Schedule a retreat for her at home. Find care for the kids, bring home dinner, and don’t say anything when you come home at 6 p.m. and she’s still in her pajamas.

Write her little love notes and hide them around the house. Or give her a romantic card and write in it, cover one whole panel with your own words.

Being romantic at home isn’t hard. Purchase a fondue pot and tell her that you will bring home something to dip every Wednesday night so you two can sit and have a conversation over candlelight (and cheese, chocolate, marshmallow, etc.)

Need conversation starters? Buy a game such as “To Know You … Better” or buy a book. Just do a search on “book of questions” for dozens of options. There are still a million things you don’t know about each other, and yes, talking does create intimacy.

Take the time to create the atmosphere. The new flameless candles that operate on a battery are great for a romantic environment. Make up a play list on your ipod that will take her back to simpler days. Bring a big bouquet of roses into the bedroom when she isn’t looking.

Every woman is different and has different needs, so be sure to communicate to her your desire to increase the romance and ask for her input. Ask, “What are you most worried about? What can I do to make life easier for you? What can I do that would let you know how much I love you?”

When you make an effort to increase the romance in the relationship, chances are she will notice and appreciate the effort so much you may not get a chance to finish that book on romancing your wife, because she may be ready for some romance. And don’t forget, doing the dishes or the laundry can be the best way to your wife’s heart.

Tags: Health

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